Forgiveness…just saying the word can conjure up all kinds of
feelings in us…feelings of guilt, shame, anger, hope, relief…just to name a
few. One of the things I love most about
being a Lutheran Christian is the theological understanding we have, and carry
deep in our beings, about forgiveness.
We KNOW we mess up every day – we cannot make it through any 24 hour
period without needing forgiveness - from someone - or from ourselves. We understand God to be a God of infinite
forgiveness and grace; who loves us unconditionally and desires for us to
become the very best human beings we can be.
In my own life, I have come to more deeply understand
forgiveness as I worked through issues I had with my mother. It’s often difficult to admit how very
conflicted our relationship was…out loud.
I often envied mothers and daughters who had such a great relationship; and
I studied, even as a young child, what made those relationships work so well,
when mine did not. I know now why this
relationship was so hard…and I have come to realize that it had nothing to do
with me personally, but had to do with my mom’s personal history as a child, and
her bi-polar disorder that robbed her of her humanity in so many ways.
I forgave her.
Forgiveness. I
remember watching the nightly news recaps as Archbishop Desmond Tutu, who
chaired the Truth and Reconciliation Commission in the Republic of South Africa,
sat through trials of South African whites who had committed all kinds of atrocities
against South African blacks. I had the
privilege of hearing him speak of this experience at our National Youth
Gathering in St. Louis. The pain of the
reality of being a black South African is beyond my scope of
understanding. But…we saw it on the
news; we then boycotted products that were compliant with the apartheid system;
and we prayed that the injustice would be turned into justice.
And…it happened! Not
perfectly, certainly, but it happened.
What continued to surprise me was that there was NO retaliation, but reconciliation…and
ultimately, there was forgiveness. Here
is what Archbishop Tutu said about the experience:
To forgive is not just to
be altruistic. It is the best form of
self-interest. It is also a process that
does not exclude hatred and anger. These
emotions are all part of being human.
You should never hate yourself for hating others who do terrible things:
The depth of your love is shown by the extent of your anger.
However, when I talk of
forgiveness, I mean the belief that you can come out on the other side a better
person. A better person that the one
being consumed by anger and hatred.
Remaining in that state locks you in a state of victimhood, making you
almost dependent on the perpetrator. If
you can find it in yourself to forgive, then you are no longer chained to the perpetrator. You can move on, and you can even help the perpetrator
to become a better person, too.
Forgiveness is NOT forgetting or walking away from
accountability or condoning a hurtful act.
Forgiveness is the process of turning back and healing our lives so we
can truly live. For if we continue to
hold the hurt, we give away our personal power – as the one who hurt us still
has influence over us and our actions – and the person who hurt us may not even
know it! We need to rumble[i],
to wrestle, to struggle with forgiveness sometimes – because it can be hard! When we do, we then name and claim our
stories; own our experiences; and in the struggle, we hopefully find clarity, wisdom
and self-love.
Those of us who work a 12 Step program know the power of
forgiveness when we do our first personal inventory. Steps 8 through10 remind us of how this
works:
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became
willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people
wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong,
promptly admitted it.
Forgiveness. We, as
Christians seek and find forgiveness readily from our loving and eternal
God. We experience forgiveness when we speak
together or sing the words of confession and then both hear and embody the
words of absolution. We know the power
of forgiveness as we speak the words of the Lord’s Prayer, and even more
powerfully as we walk through the horrific death of Jesus who from the cross,
asked for forgiveness from those who were killing him.
Paul sought forgiveness from the church in Corinth for his
part in the pain-filled misunderstanding that was going on. So painful, in fact, was this issue that he
chose not to visit them again. Paul also
called into account those who were hurting both him and the church there and then
moved this struggling congregation into reaffirmation of their love for the one
who caused the pain.
It’s what we do. We
name it, we claim it, we ask for forgiveness for the part we played, we claim
the love of God and receive forgiveness from God…and hopefully…from each other.
Forgiveness. It’s
what we receive unconditionally from God who is love. It’s an action that gives us back our power,
our stories, our hope. It’s available to
us whenever we need it.
Today, if there is someone from whom you need to ask
forgiveness, I invite you to do so during the passing of the peace. Should the conversation need to take longer
than we have, then I hope you will make a plan to complete it together sometime
this week.
It’s all about being community – together – even as the
community here fluxes and changes. We
belong to God and we belong to each other.
We are forgiven!
In the name of the Father and of the Son + and of the Holy
Spirit. Amen
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