I Am Judas

I am Judas

Grace, mercy and peace be unto you from God who is Creator, Christ and Comforter.  Amen

I am loving this narrative lectionary!  I hope you are, too.  Today’s text has us in Holy Week already, and it’s only the 2^nd Sunday of Lent! Yet, how wonderful that we will be spending time, lots of time, in the week that makes Christians…Christians! 

We have this beautiful scene as Jesus celebrates the last Passover meal, actually  the last meal he will ever eat, with his best friends.  They have walked with Jesus for three years by now.  They have heard him preach, participated in miracle feedings and healings, and seen how he continually moves among people – touching them just when, and where, they need it. 

And, now, tonight John reminds us that Jesus loved these people – loved them to the very end! 

I invite you to imagine with you mind’s eye the scene that John so beautifully describes for us.  Close your eyes if it helps…

Jesus, fully God and fully human, gets up from the cushions that have supported him as he and the disciples recline and eat the Passover meal and goes to the servant’s entrance. 

There he takes off his outer robe, and finds the foot-washing basin and ties the foot towel around his waist.   He pours the ceremonial washing water into the basin.  (I wonder if the disciples even notice what is happening yet). 

Then he comes back to the table, maybe sloshing a few drops of water on the packed earth floor, and gets on his knees and begins to wash the feet of his best friends. 

Who was first in your imagining?  Andrew, the first disciple?  James? John? 

The water keeps being poured on those dusty, dirty, manly feet.  I’m sure Jesus had to empty the basin several times along the way. 

Was it silent as Jesus performed this task?  Or are the disciples whispering to each other?  What do their faces reflect?  Astonishment?  Humility?  Embarrassment?  Fear? 

Jesus comes to Peter.  Peter is someone I can so wholeheartedly relate to!  He speaks before he thinks…he cannot abide the idea that Jesus would wash his fisher-manly feet!  They have the conversation that John so wonderfully records for us…Are you going to wash my feet?  You don’t know what I am doing.  You’ll NEVER wash my feet!  If I don’t wash, you aren’t part of me.  Then not just my feet, but all of me!  Peter, chill, I only need to wash your feet! 

And then, Jesus comes to Judas and he washes his feet.  Judas, who would betray him to the authorities and set the whole cycle of trial-death-and-resurrection in motion.  What is going through Jesus’ mind?  Judas’ mind…as this most intimate action is being performed? 

Jesus finishes this act of service by telling the disciples that they ought to wash one another’s feet.  As your pastor, during Maundy Thursday’s service, when you are invited to have me wash your feet…it is one of THE MOST holy and sacred moments I have with you…and it makes me tear up just thinking about it.  I love this time of washing and praying and thinking about the feet I hold in my hands.  This space becomes sacred ground for me. 

And…I think of Jesus – as much as I love you, I know that Jesus loves you even more! 

Jesus knew who was to betray him according to John.  And, as much as historians and theologians have wanted to put all of this betrayal on Judas, if we remember our Holy Week history – every last one of the disciples betrayed Jesus!  They all ran away and hid when the soldiers came to the Garden of Gethsemane (oh wait, Judas stayed)!  They all cowered in the Upper Room after Jesus was buried, too scared to show their faces lest they be the next ones on a cross. 

And, in my heart of hearts, I know that I am Judas!  I have betrayed Jesus so many times in my life.  I have denied him, cursed him, NOT spoken about him when I should have, and then USED his name in times and places when I should not have. 

My sins put him on the cross. 

I am Judas.  I have hurt him, and abused my relationship with him by continuing to do the very things I have begged for his forgiveness – and have had that forgiveness freely granted – yet I do not change! 

How many times have my actions and attitudes kept Jesus on that cross? 

I am Judas.  I’ve loved Jesus for nearly all of my life.  I’ve tried to follow Jesus’ teachings and lead the life I feel God has called me to lead as a daughter, sister, mother, wife, aunt, friend, and pastor. 

A couple of weeks ago, I was teaching in Confirmation about the Second Article of the Apostle’s Creed…I believe in Jesus Christ, only son of the Father… and I asked if they knew what a mess-up they are.  You know, in those moments of intense honesty, when you really look at yourself and realize that you are a total mess-up…and if people REALLY knew you and what a phony, fake, mess-up you are, you would be totally and utterly alone. 

They knew what I was talking about.  Do you?

That’s when the Second Article of the Creed comes in, I said.  When you are the most real and honest and realize what a mess-up you are, Jesus is right there beside you saying, “I know everything and I’m here to tell you that’s why I died.  You are not alone – never have been, never will be.  All of those mess-ups?  Every last one of them nailed to that cross.  You are mine! You are forgiven.” 

I am Judas…but the story doesn’t end there…I belong to Jesus. 

Amen!